Why I Hate Internet Poker

by Joey Donovan Guido
(Submitted to Card Player magazine)

We all know the benefits of playing poker online. You get 24/7 access to play money or real money games and tournaments. Now that's convenience. And when I was a novice player, the Internet provided me with a daily forum to improve, experiment with styles, and gain valuable experience in the game of No Limit Hold Em. I took $1,000 in play money and turned it into $600,000. I was impressed with myself and with the joys of Internet poker. It seemed like a winning situation, and it was.

But what do you lose with Internet poker?

In my case the loss is currently $272.00 in real money, but it doesn't stop there...

Less wet behind the ears, I have recently enjoyed much success in live single table tournament games, turning $80 into $520 in about four weeks. This may seem like small potatoes to those of you that make that in an hour or less, but for me $25 buy in tourneys are what's available to me and what's within the limits of my current bankroll.

So I took money from said bankroll (more than once) and attempted to replicate this success on the Internet. BIG MISTAKE! After losing half my bankroll I realize that I am not a good online player. I am an excellent poker player with the ability to read most opponents, make what appear to be tough calls with marginal hands, and play well enough to be one of the few remaining players in most tourneys.

Without the ability to observe an opponents breath, to look at his face, eyes, hands, and body language, to be unable to ask him a question and listen to his verbal or non-verbal response, I am like a man with only one leg. Incomplete -- unable to perform to my potential. In online play, I most often make the right decisions based on pot odds, hand analysis, and the type of player my opponent appears to be. I make the correct bet to chase away people who would choose to draw out on me. I slow play monsters.

And I lose time and time again. Why? In my opinion it's because most of my opponents aren't doing any of these things. They're playing BINGO at my expense and the one time they make their hand (which WILL happen in a 1-2 hour tournament) it crushes me, leaving me sitting there with my Internet mouth agape (if I even have a mouth on the site I'm playing on). It's almost like playing correctly is wrong because it seems to come back and bite me in the butt.

Don't get me wrong. Each session, even a loss, holds a little gem of wisdom that I have taken away from the table. I think it is important to analyze one's play to see where things went wrong. Sometimes (OK, a lot of the time) it's my fault, and I prefer to accept my miss-step and learn from it. What's the point of fooling oneself? For me it's about making the best decisions every hand I play. If I do this and lose, I can walk away feeling good about myself (while disappointment swells inside me).

So the question is why did I make money at the play money tables but not the real money tables? Who knows?? It could be that the play money players are just not as good, so my edge holds up better. It could be luck and a good run of cards or the fact that my real money account never had enough money in it for the swings that are inherent in poker. Whatever it is, I refuse to piss away any more real cash on the Internet.

Scott Fischman & John D'Agostino, I am in awe of you. Guys like you play well online and in live events -- there's something to be said for that. More power to you! You haven't been at my tables have you? (I'm logged in as Mister Owl)

Maybe the answer is to just sit back and wait for monsters, as marginal hands aren't as easy to value bet. Or it might be playing more aggressive and over the top. Maybe I should just switch to No Limit BINGO! Whatever the answer, I haven't figured it out yet.

I'm sure Scott & John lose online sometimes. But hey, if you're playing for 10-14 hours a day your skill WILL prevail. It's a statistical fact. But for me, on a limited bankroll, with a family and a screenwriting career, I don't have 10 hours a day to insure that my skill will outweigh a maniac's desire to play Q 6 to the river because it's suited !!

Thanks for listening & beware...

Joey Donovan Guido
aka 'Mister Owl' - New York